apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
