he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
