The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
