You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
