I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
