she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
