So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
