i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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