so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
