I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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