Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
