I swear she didn't look like that last week.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
