i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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