I feel great
I just peed on a car
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
