I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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