Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
