the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
