wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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