Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
