apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
