The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
