he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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