How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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