Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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