pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
