; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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