Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
