He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
