Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Green mimosas i think yes
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
