Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
