When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
