Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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