woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
