I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
