Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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