i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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