Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
