and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
