Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
