i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
