i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
