Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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