i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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