Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
