but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
