even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Your cock deserves a montage
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
