garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
