Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
