So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
