I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
