Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
