I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
